god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
