pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
