Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize