I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I will be naked everywhere
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
