i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
