I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
