No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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