i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
