Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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