Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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