Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
