When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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