So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize