You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
