butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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