We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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