I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
