i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
