..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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