The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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