every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
