i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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