i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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