My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
