drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize