I think I won the penis lottery.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
