can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
