y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Actions speak louder than pants.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
