HIV tests are more positive than that guy
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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