Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't deserve a penis
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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