hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
