i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
