Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
