Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize