you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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