My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
