If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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