Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize