am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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