He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
