so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
