At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
