I hate all girls vehemently.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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