No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
