Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
