The best revenge is premature balding
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
