to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I need to calm my uterus...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
