I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
