I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
