I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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