Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
