i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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