This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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