oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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