no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
