'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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