Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
