I wish they made helmets for livers.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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