So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
