It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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