I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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