moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
