why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
