I should be sponsored by Trojan
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
