Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize