Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
