whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
