At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
