If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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