sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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