WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
