don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
