I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize