RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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