How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
