when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
