I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I party with great urgency now.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
