Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
