So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
