we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
