did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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