ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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