i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
