dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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