"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
