remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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