Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
