it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Randomize
