i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
