He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
