you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
