i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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