Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Life is so much better after having sex.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
