Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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