Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
