new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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